Andrew Morales
Amateur Relationship Scientist
Andrew has spent the last decade studying the correlation between blood alcohol content and poor texting decisions. His research has been cited by exactly zero academic journals.
JOHN 2026 ATTENDEES
The People
Meet the brave souls who agreed to give talks at JOHN 2026. Pray for them.
Ben Jennings
Professional Party Leaver
Ben perfected the Irish Exit in 2019 and hasn't said goodbye to anyone since. He's currently working on a book no one asked for.
Camille Stepanof
Recreational Gambler & Optimist
Camille firmly believes that the next hand is always the one. She's been saying this for seven years.
Christian Bader
Late Night Food Delivery Researcher
Christian holds a PhD in Regrettable Decisions from the University of 2AM. His dissertation was on the $47 burrito phenomenon.
Dan McColl
Spotify Wrapped Analyst
Dan has listened to 'drivers license' 847 times this year and he's doing fine, thanks for asking.
David McColl
Floor Food Safety Expert
David has extended the 5-second rule to unprecedented durations. The FDA has asked him to stop.
Dean Laurence
Former Crypto Enthusiast
Dean's portfolio is down 94% but he's still bullish. Diamond hands, baby. Diamond hands.
Destanee Tvedten
Gym Membership Holder (Non-Attending)
Destanee has paid for 36 consecutive months of gym membership. She's been twice. Both times to use the bathroom.
Enrique Rayon
Formerly Employed
After the Reply All incident of 2024, Enrique prefers to keep a low profile. HR still has his number.
Gal Haroush
Hangover Researcher
Not a real doctor. Not even close. But confident.
Jack Tuvs
Group Chat Sociologist
Jack studies why group chats go silent after someone shares an opinion. The results are always depressing.
Kelsie Mordetzky
Professional Key Loser
Kelsie has lost her keys 347 times. They were in her pocket 346 of those times.
Lizzie Pagano
Parenting Expert (Self-Appointed)
Lizzie's advice is unsolicited but always delivered with confidence. Her kids are fine. Probably.
Mel Mier
AI Disappointment Predictor
Has been predicting AI will change everything for 10 years. Still waiting.
Shane Joyer
Climate Action Delegator
Shane believes strongly in climate action, as long as someone else is doing it.
Tyson Youngs
Pharmaceutical Philosopher
Tyson asks the big questions, like 'what if there was a pill for that?'
Vittorio Antunes
Memory Researcher (Forgetful)
Vittorio studies memory. Or at least, he thinks he does. Hard to remember.
Want to see these legends in action?
Join us Saturday, January 31 for an evening you'll probably regret.
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